and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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