I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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