She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
