You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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