so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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