my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
