Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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