Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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