ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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