I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize