No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
