she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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