I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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