I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
