I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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