My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
