The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
