I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
