literally had 100 drinks last night.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
