I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
