3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
