You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He's on the porch naked. Help.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
