...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
