I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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