Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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