trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize