RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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