i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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