Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
