Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
