I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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