he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
