Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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