so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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