Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
