I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
