I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
