I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
