So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
