when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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