Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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