i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
