why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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