i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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