You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
