During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
