Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
