In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
