is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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