I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
