I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize