Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
