I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
