I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everyone says I win the strip club
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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