Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
