i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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