wrigley field is MILF paradise
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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