do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
