Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
