She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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