They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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