Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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