This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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