It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
