I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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