i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
