I think I died a long time ago.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize