Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
