I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
