Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
