That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
