see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
