I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
