All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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