I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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